Memories: Wash It All Away And Believe

The following post was originally published on February 25, 2011, based on a poem that I wrote on June 30, 2009. It serves as a reminder for me, from time to time.

Today is Friday, February 25, 2011 at 5:00 pm in Los Angeles, and the gray clouds are hovering above. Rainfall is expected tonight and tomorrow. There’s something soothing about listening to the rain tap against my window. Being at home, curled up on the couch with a warm blanket, while sipping on hot lemon tea, relaxes the body, the mind, and the spirit. Putting it simply, it just feels good to relax and think about nothing. Whatever troubles appear and show their ugly heads, seem to disappear to the melodic sound of raindrops. As I sit out on the balcony viewing the skyline, I await the rain. Even if for a moment, the troubles in the world or of the day will no longer matter nor exist, because the rain will wash it all away.

     The following poem entitled, ‘Believe,’ was written on June 30, 2009…the day I was laid off from my job. Although I was quickly rehired, I was overwhelmed with emotion. It’s not easy to have something that you love taken away from you so unfairly. But such is life, as it’s not always fair. At that moment, I couldn’t do anything else besides try to keep the faith and believe.

‘Believe’

When darkness burries the sun,
And the world is upon my shoulders,
Heavy is the load I carry.
And despair is the emotion I feel.
Blinded by the unknown,
And stricken down by fear.
Possibilities remain at a distance,
As if these are merely thoughts in the wind.
Unclarity has sunken in.
Then along comes the sun.
I hear your voice, and I can see once again.
You never let me suffer,
And you never let me fail.
In my hour of sorrow, it’s your faith and love that prevails.
Faith is restored in me
And I am guided by your light.
Onward to a brand new path.
I will know no wrong,
Because the strength in you is right.

Jeff Lorber ‘Rain Dance’ Video Posted To You Tube By Herecomes Mongo On July 11, 2011

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Going Insane When The World Is Too Much

Social media and going live on it gives some people the nerve to cowardly disregard the value of life. I’m sick to my stomach at the fact that someone’s murder is something that’s just tossed around on social media without a care. As if someone’s life is nothing. I’m disgusted with this, as well as the murderer. There’s no respect at all. Not for the living nor the dead. The victim’s name was Robert Godwin, Sr. and his life was valuable to his loved ones. His life was valuable and it was taken away on Resurrection Sunday. My heartfelt condolences go out to Robert Godwin, Sr.’s loved ones. These are my feelings on a Monday afternoon: going insane when the world is too much.
‎’Going Insane’
An execution was broadcast for all to see,
As if his being means nothing.
As if his life is just a sideshow in a country in chaotic disarray.
I’m angry with disgust,
As humanity is anything but humane
With its habit of devaluing life.
To BE or not to BE.
With all of the world’s problems laying heavy on my mind,
I rest my head in my hands
And I ask the universe, “Why?”
What do you do when the rain can’t wash away your tears?
Where do you go where your silent cries can be listened to?
Saying, “Fuck it” is what I can’t refrain,
And I don’t know what the fuck to do to keep from going insane.
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John Coltrane and Austin Peralta: ‘Naima’

Enjoy…

John Coltrane: ‘Naima’

Video Posted To You Tube By Music Legends Book On April 26, 2016

 

Austin Peralta: ‘Naima’

Video Posted To You Tube By bernarddasmoove81 On February 6, 2014

Copyright © 2017  samaramarie.com  All Rights Reserved

 

 

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‘Haiku And Happiness’

‘Haiku And Happiness’

 

Upon daylight’s end,

Enter night’s heavenly shade.

Bliss be upon me.

 

I’ve always been mesmerized by the beauty of the night. It’s beautiful, dark hue, with stars that I can wish upon. Heaven’s eyes that watch over me, as I dream. Serenity that grabs hold of me from within, and never lets me go. At peace with myself, I can shine my light upon the world. I walk alone along the path in the darkness of the night, yet, I can see ever so clearly.

For those who truly know me, it’s a fact that I’m a huge Herbie Hancock fan. His song, ‘Stars In Your Eyes’ will always have a special place in my heart, and will remind me of so many fond memories. This was the last song that I heard on the radio in Los Angeles, the night before I moved to New York City in July of 2002. This song spoke volumes to me then, as I was about to embark upon a brand new chapter in my life. And as I continue on life’s path that is paved for me, this song speaks volumes to me, still. As I lie awake at night from not being able to sleep, I sometimes think about my journey’s ups and downs. As I go for long walks at night, mesmerized by the beauty of the night, I sometimes think about how far I’ve traveled, and how much farther I’d like to go. Bliss be upon me.

Herbie Hancock’s ‘Stars In Your Eyes’ Video Posted To You Tube By KaderFunkyman On November 5, 2014

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“Every Journey Begins With A Single Step.” – Maya Angelou

Photo Credit: Pharoahe Monch
Train Departing Station In Chicago, On March 17, 2017
Thank You, Pharoahe Monch, For Sharing Your Beautiful Art, Whether It’s Music Or Photography.

 

“Every journey begins with a single step.” – Maya Angelou

As I approach my 45th Born Day on April 4th, as always, I’m stopping for a minute, to reflect upon my life’s journey. I’ve thought about my ups and downs. I’ve thought about my highs and lows. I’ve thought about my truth in my journey. I’ve traveled so far, and want to keep traveling upon the road that lies before me. My journey began with a single step towards possibilities, opportunities, and growth. A journey towards freedom and happiness. Just like a passenger who boards a train, my journey has taken me where I need to be.

I remember the complex days of my childhood, teen years, and even some of my adult years. I was that “lucky” kid, so others would say. I was that kid who got everything I ever asked for. I got everything I ever asked for, except a loving and caring family. I grew up in a home without true love shown, and I was always halfway happy at home. On the flipside of this, I was always happy at school. It was there that I felt safe. It was there that I felt loved. Now, as a teacher myself, I keep all of this in mind, when it comes to my classroom. My classroom might be the only place where a child feels love, and school might be the only place where a child feels safe. I make it known to my students that I care, and that I love.

I survived years of abuse from family, which lasted well into my adult years. I finally had the courage to walk away from all of the hurt and dysfunction. I had reached my breaking point. As I sat in my apartment one afternoon and sobbed uncontrollably at the fact that ‘loved ones’ can treat me so bad, I realized that I must take care of my own mental health, and I must ensure my own happiness. After years of trying to love away the pain and fix what was broken, I just became tired. Tired of feeling guilty for wanting to walk away and stay away. Tired of trying to understand. Tired of trying. Tired of hiding. Tired of smiling on the outside, when I didn’t always want to. It’s never been easy living on the other side of love. But the cold world that I lived in never made me bitter. I just kept hoping and wishing that I would be free one day. Free to be me. Free to feel joy. Free to express and receive unconditional love. My heart is in a good place within me now, and has been for quite some time now. I know what love is, by the positive examples of it that I saw elsewhere. And from the poor examples that I was shown, I certainly know what love is not. If I should ever fall in love again, my heart’s love will be truly genuine and free flowing.

As life is a journey full of lessons learned and lessons taught, I look back at the trials in my life and praise God that I grew up to become the woman that I am today. In all of my strength, I can stand proud in the mirror and love the person that I see each day. My life is a tale of overcoming obstacles, and not becoming another statistic. My story is not unique. Nor is it uncommon. But this story is mine. It will always be a part of who I am.

No, it wasn’t easy living on the other side of love, but once I knocked down the wall of obstruction, I found out how sweet love and freedom could be. And they taste sweeter each and everyday. I welcome 45 with open arms. – Samara Marie Douglas

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“Every Great Dream Begins With A Dreamer.” – Harriet Tubman

My final message on my site before 2016 comes to an end was a post titled, ‘Never Surrender Your Dreams.’ I stated that I want 2017 to be a year of possibilities, opportunities, and growth. It seems like the brutal nature of 2016 is going to rear its ugly head until the very end. Tonight, I asked where the fuck did humanity go? I had to rewind and catch myself and my feelings. I had to remind myself of my purpose in life. Tonight, I had to remind myself that I can’t let hope and dreams slip away, and that I shall press forward. I have to press forward. The following quote by Harriet Tubman served as a reminder for me tonight.

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

– Harriet Tubman

Copyright © 2016 samaramarie.com All Rights Reserved

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‘Bitches Brew’ By Miles Davis

Enjoy.

Video Posted To You Tube By Driving A Stolen Car On February 14, 2016

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